Speed Reviews : The Star Trek Movies

I managed to watch 8 of the 10 Star Trek films in a weekend. Such a monumental feat requires a blog post.




Star Trek : The Motion Picture

The Voyager spacecraft is very angry that Earth hasn't called in a while, and the only way to stop it destroying the planet is for some random dude to have sex with a bald woman who's really a giant robot in disguise.

(could this be the last film to be promoted as a "motion picture ?")




Star Trek II : The Wrath of Khan

Best described pictorially.

Star Trek III : The Search For Spock

Doc Brown is a Klingon who's quite angry at Kirk because he won't give him the Genesis project, but Kirk won't stand for such nonsense and responds by blowing up the Enterprise, trapping the good doctor on an exploding planet and then stealing his ship. Most of which happens in the last 30 minutes or less.

Star Trek IV : The Voyage Home

Angry space whales will destroy the Earth unless Chekov can find some nuclear wessels.


Picard would have dealt with those space whales very differently.

 Star Trek V : The Final Frontier

Spock has rocket boots. Why don't I have rocket boots ? Oh right, because I'd like to retain both my legs.

Star Trek VI : The Undiscovered Country

Shakespearean Klingons become mildly irate over the death of their ruler, but threaten to get really quite cross until Kirk is dead.




Star Trek VII : Generations

Kirk and Picard ride some horses to stop Malcom McDowell and two Klingons with scary cleavage from destroying a planet no-one's ever heard of.

Star Trek VIII : First Contact

Patrick Stewart reprises his role as Ahab in order to stop killer robots from the future from killing Farmer Hoggett. You can't tell me that's wrong.

Star Trek IX : Insurrection

Err....

Star Trek X : Nemesis

Picard's angry young clone needs to drink Picard's blood which he can't do without turning everyone on Earth to stone. Also, Data sings.

Captain Picard does not approve of singing robots.