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Tuesday, 15 February 2011

Nick Junior Will Turn Your Kids Fascist

Seriously. I've watched this channel enough to become convinced it's run by a master of subliminal messaging who's intent on indoctrinating children into a sinister neo-nazi cult. The ultimate goal of which is to turn humanity into homogeneous, peace-loving pansies where we'll all kept in check by dark - possibly alien - occult powers.

OK, I tend to only watch the Bedtime session, because the target audience is in nursery most of the day. But bedtime is when they're at the most vulnerable ! Surely we should expect good, wholesome family entertainment at a time like this. Stories about happy little animals who dance around and don't do anything. Not so.

The evening's brainwashing typically begins with a large dose of Peppa Pig. This tells
stories of the adventures of a family of pigs (who look more like large pink whistles). Their "adventures" are simple enough - sometimes no more than Peppa jumping in muddy puddles, or Daddy Pig losing his glasses. But while the plots may be innocent, the subtext is anything but.

For starters, the physics of the world is all wrong. Cars can drive up hills so steep that a mountain goat would balk at the prospect. Worse, it's just as easy on a bicycle. Is this merely artistic license, or evidence that the artist is actually from a low gravity planet and not familiar with Earth physics ?

The moral dimension of the show is where things get really bad. There's an overwhelmingly mammalian bias to everything, which is best exemplified by the line, "Don't be silly Mr Bull, goldfish can't talk." And why not ?  What about the lizards and birds and snakes ? They don't even get a look in.

Such blatant racism is exacerbated by the segregation of all the different species. The pigs live in the pig house, the zebras in the zebra house. There's no intermarriage whatsoever. Where are the hybrid pig-goats and elephant-zebras ? Eh ? This world is a Nazi utopia and an anathema to multiculturalism. And since only the pigs are the stars of the show, we can infer that they represent the "Aryan" race, with the other animals representing "lesser" aspects of humanity. In fact, the whole "different houses" thing smacks of death camps to me.

Nor do the actions of any animals (at least pigs) have any negative consequences whatsoever. When Peppa supervises a baby's party, she makes them all cry but no-one cares. When she runs over Daddy Pig's prize pumpkin that he's spent patient months growing, he just says, "Never mind". I'd bet he wouldn't have said that if a zebra did it. He'd probably cart them off to the gas chamber instead.

After Peppa we get a long break full of commercialisation designed to make kids want things. Worse, at the moment we get touted with some royalist propaganda, where some girl pretends to be a Barbie-esque princess and we're all her "loyal subjects." Sod off, Barbie - I don't remember taking any such oath of allegiance. Such royalist claptrap can only be designed to give everyone an inferiority complex, reminding us to always obey our social betters - yet more Nazi indoctrination, dressed up in a cunning romantic mystique. Which is shame, because there are much better princesses available to emulate.

Do you want your children to aspire to a) Aryan supremacist who doesn't do anything except get married b) a noted peace activist who got landmines banned or c) angry woman who kills oppressive tyrants by using a sharpened frisbee ?

Then comes Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom. This delightful show is even worse than Peppa Pig, because now the protagonists are all basically human. And this time the racism is even more explicit - the elves and fairies actively avoiding each other, even to the point of holding separate Olympics. Even Hitler didn't go that far.

Moreover, the show is overtly anti-science. One of the main characters is the villainous fairy Nanny Plum, who uses her occult powers of sourcery to guide Ben Elf and fairy Princess Holly through their surreal adventurings*. It seems that all problems can be solved with magic. This leaves Wise Old Elf, who solves everything by thinking carefully and logically about each situation but always gets it wrong, looking a bit silly. Science is thus humiliated and primitive paganism venerated as the answer to the world's troubles.

* She also insults witches, which is somewhat inconsistent.

Nanny Plum and Wise Old Elf are always at odds, and it's almost always Nanny who wins. Fairies are quite explicitly the higher social order here, with the King also being a fairy (incidentally, he's also the only male fairy). The elves are very much the oppressed working classes who spent most of their time doing manual (i.e. "slave") labour, making toys for human children. Whereas Nanny teaches her fairy pupils that they must always look beautiful, and they never seem to do any actual work at all, which again smacks of Aryanism. She might as well dress up in a Klu Klux Klan outfit.

Here's where it gets really interesting. Nanny Plum and Miss Rabbit the teacher (in Peppa Pig) are voiced by the same person. Coincidence ? I think not. There can't possibly be such a shortage of voice actors. More likely the two shows are in league with each other, since they have such similar fascist views. Clearly they are trying to steal children's souls for indoctrination into a cult.

(One might think that if the two shows have the same message then their creator can't, by definition, be an alien as postulated earlier -  how would fly to Earth if he's anti-science ? The implication, of course, is that he came to Earth in a spaceship powered only by magic, which does not bode well for anyone.)

Finally the evening ends with a song that's the audible equivalent of tripe. It's just too happy. I've never trusted anything so jolly it causes vomiting - look at Disney, he was a Nazi sympathiser, after all. Yet it's utterly mesmerising to its poor naive youthful audience, slowly convincing them to watch more and more Nick Junior until their souls are corrupted and their hearts wither and blacken with the dark fire of racial hatred.


  1. is this a joke? I really hope this is a joke

    1. i cant BELIEVE he did not mention Duggee the penis shaped pooch or the giant studded dildo running around on Gulla Gulla island. So lets turn that into Horny racist with large canine violating dildoes.

  2. you obviously have no children(hence the utter waste of time you have spent here) go back to your studies and do something worthwhile...while your still young and know everything ;-P

  3. Remember the American program HE MAN

  4. Why is this a joke? After watching these cartoons I 100% believe there to be an agenda behind these toons

  5. I have 3 children and my first thought when I saw Ben and Holly was..."this is children's television? They're so racist!" So why do you assume he has no children because he wrote this?

  6. I have 3 children and my first thought when I saw Ben and Holly was..."this is children's television? They're so racist!" So why do you assume he has no children because he wrote this?

    1. I think the "no children" assumption was due to the Goatee, this is probably a safe assumption.

  7. Miss Rabbit is not the Teacher in Peppa Pig. She is pretty much everything else though, but Madam Gazelle is the School teacher. Just to get that straight lol

  8. King is not the only make fairy there is tarkwin, tarkwin dad, mayor, king marigold...

  9. People have no concept of satire anymore. Lol